


Thing of Rain

by booktick



Series: phobos [3]
Category: The Haunting of Hill House (TV 2018)
Genre: Anxiety, Late Night Conversations, Nyctophobia, Other, Post-S1, Post-Series, Self-Denial, Self-Doubt, Storms, Survivor Guilt, Wakes & Funerals, not spoiler free at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 15:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17428490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booktick/pseuds/booktick
Summary: "Shirley never wants to look. But Shirley has to look."





	Thing of Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own none of this franchise.

* * *

It's another late night at the funeral home. Another night of paperwork and exhaustion buried deep in the corners of her entire being. Shirley told herself she would pack up her papers, her folders, all of it and head in for the night. That was an hour ago. The clock on her laptop says it's two am, and it confused her. She could have sworn it was still the afternoon, maybe it had bled into the evening...just a bit. She furrowed her brows, lips twisted as she stared at the clock. Two am, that would mean the kids were asleep. 

She told them she'd tuck them in. She told them she'd be there for them more. That's what moms do, right? They make time for their kids.

She worked from home, it should have made it easier. All she had to do was get up and walk out. It wasn't difficult, it wasn't even to the guest house. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Ever since Hill House, she had been putting in the effort to make changes in her life. That didn't change the financial situation they were in with the funeral home though. She wasn't making her special exceptions anymore, or at least, not as much. It helped but only barely.

It'd take time. It had only been a month since Hill House, not everything happened overnight like that. She had spent time in her office the last three nights, doing overtime on a variety of wakes and funerals. Kevin said she should rest, take time off from everything that had happened. But that wasn't like Shirley. She couldn't stop moving. If she stopped, she'd be lost in her head again. It was better to keep moving forward, organization was all that was needed in her opinion. She even got another labeling machine, made all the new folders of flyers look a lot better and pristine. Like Nell's had been...

Nell's flyers were still in one of the filing cabinets with some of the ones she was currently working on. It wasn't just a reminder of her sister...it was like having Nell with her, no matter where she was in the building. Nell was always there and she could look at her whenever she wanted. Kevin had thought of laminating them, putting them in a book or something. 

She...wasn't there yet. She wasn't ready for that at the moment. She assumed she'd get there, just like she thought before...in time. All things take time, some longer than others. Shirley knew that. The Crain Family knew that more than most families. Shirley didn't know if Kevin understood, if he could really, he didn't experience...what she had. What they all had...

She wasn't like Steve. Steve, of all people, suddenly wanting to be honest and true to his word. Steve, who couldn't tell them how Dad died at Hill House until she begged and even then, she knew, he left out details. He had written so many books on Hill House, talking about ghosts but never the trauma. She didn't even know how to begin to explain to Kevin what that place had made her feel, nonetheless what she had seen and heard there.

Maybe she just needed to suck it up, be more like her older brother and just  _deal_ with Hill House. She wiped the thought from her mind as soon as it arrived. If she couldn't completely scrub the place from her mind, at least it could go unsaid. She didn't want the name on her tongue. It was wrong. The place was...wrong and it would always be wrong.

It would always be the place that took her sister away. Dad should have burned it to the ground. They should have let Luke burn it. But Luke had tried, hadn't he? The house still stood, proud and alive, and her sister was cold and in the ground. What the fuck kind of ending to a story was that? A small part of her was washed with guilt after moments like these. All because she would let the anger and fear settle and she would think about how she didn't want to end up like Nell. Shirley wanted to live.

And so, here she was again. Alone in her office, sat in front of work, at two am. Away from her family. She would be exhausted by tomorrow's wake. She'd have to make sure to set her alarm. A cold shower could help, wash away whatever this yuck inside her was. It was like washing her hands and the stains were still there. She couldn't ever feel...clean after Hill House. No matter what she did, work or not, nothing distracted her long enough to forget about the stain inside. She looked to the lamp on her desk, reaching to turn the switch to make it brighter. It was too dark in this place at night.

"Shirl?" a hand clasped her shoulder.

Her head shot up, eyes blown wide. Her hands knocked over paper, which fell to the ground immediately. She looked up, and saw her husband there. Kevin was touching her hair now, fingers stroking, attempting to soothe. She could hear her heartbeat inside her ears. Her breathing is let go, she hadn't realized she instinctively held it. The breaths are shaky at best, rattles in her chest so much she turns her head away to cough into her arm.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry-" Kevin tried to calm her, voice hushed and warm. "It's late. I was worried about you...I thought you heard me?"

"No, I..." her mouth was dry, she had to force her tongue to wet it "No, it's fine. I was focused in on work." 

Her smile is just as forced, "It's okay. Really..."

Kevin didn't seem so sure. "Maybe you should come to bed, hm? It's two am. Wake's at eight..."

"I..." she reached down, picking up the fallen papers carefully as though they might rip from her very touch "Okay. Yeah. Just give me a few minutes to clean up and I'll head up, okay?"

A kiss was placed upon her forehead as she sat back up in her chair. She paused in her movements, before slowing placing the papers back upon the desk. Her eyelashes fluttered faster for a moment as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She let herself smile again, the action still felt stiff. But Kevin smiles back, warm and open, and he strokes her hair for a few more breaths.

"Alright." He pulled his hand away, "I'll keep the hallway lamp on for you, okay?"

"Okay." Her smile is genuine this time.

Kevin gave her one last look before he headed out of the office. She watched as he walked away for a few moments. Her smile slipped away from her face far too easily. She wiped her eyes with her fingers at first then the back of her palms. Something cold stained her knuckles and she doesn't realize it's tears until she sniffles. Shirley is good at crying in silence.

She shook her head, curls getting in her eyes and took a deep breath, preparing herself the best she could. It wasn't much. She wiped her hands against her pants before getting to her feet, picking up the papers. They were slipped into a red folder, neat and labeled for her filing cabinet. It's only a few steps to the filing cabinet but she counts every last one, breathing as quietly as she could manage.

"One...two..." Shirley whispered, as if someone might hear her. 

The lamp at her desk dimmed and her movements came to a stand still. She could tell by the way her shadow changed in the corner of her eye. Her eyes widened like they had before, lashes growing wet once more. The light from the lamp just dimmed, and she hadn't touched it at all. Okay, okay, Shirley.

All she had to do was think. Maybe the plug in had gone bad or it needed a new lightbulb. She could fix that. Kevin could bring down another one. Or she could get the flashlight on top of the cabinet. Her thoughts scrambled to find the source of this. All that she could hear was her breathing and the darkness scraping at her heels. 

Count. All she had to do was count...

"One..." she shut her eyes tight, "Two." Her hand pressed against the filing cabinet and started to slide up towards the top "Three..."

The lamp dimmed further. Hair sticks up along her arms, goosebumps tickle and kiss her flesh. All the previous warmth left, and a chill flooded her entire core. She looked back over her shoulder only once, the light stared back at her--still dim despite no change to its' switch. Her heart was heavy and in her throat.

It's all rushing at her once and her feet feel like they're chained to the floor. Even scuffing her heel against the floor is difficult to accomplish. It scratches against the floor as she tries again, it's too loud in her ears. Shirley tried to move again, this time no steps, not even a dragging heel is heard. A stab of cold shoots through her ribs when she tries to speak.

"F..." she can't even hear her own voice.

Her fingers reached the top of the cabinet. It only found the cooled surface and nothing else. Her eyebrows come together, deep between her eyes, which she never opened the entire time. Kevin must have taken it, to replace the batteries maybe. No, she kept packs of them in a box somewhere around here. It's difficult to think straight anymore. Her work falls from her fingertips, the folder and flyers on the floor again. She whimpers as she pulled her hand away from the cabinet. Slow and steady, slow and steady...no need to rush. 

It was just a little darkness. 

Thunder roars through her office and she cried out. The lamp goes out completely and darkness consumes the office. Shirley immediately fell to her knees, curls hanging in the air. Ignoring the fallen paper, she crawled to a corner, hands reaching out of desperation and feeling the floor to guide her. She pressed herself up against the wall as much as she could, hoping the wall would just pull her in so she wouldn't need to worry anymore.

The darkness swirled around and around, wrapping at her ankles and then her calves. She could barely see her own hands. She was fading away and no one would be able to see her. How would Kevin see her? She just needed the flashlight. She had been so sure she left it on the filing cabinet. The storm smothers her whimpers, forcing the counting back down her throat.

Her hands, which were shaking violently, clasped around her ears as tight as she could get them. Her tears soaked her cheeks as the thunder came again and again. How could no one else hear it? They had to hear it. They must have heard the noise. It was too much too soon. She hated thunder. Shirley hated loud noises.

"Shirl-" 

She barely realizes hands are grasping her tear stained cheeks. A face is close hers, a voice speaking gently. She has to take deeper breaths, until her chest burns and bile threatens to rise up in her throat. Thumbs are wiping the tears from her eyes, the lamp shines bright from the desk and the once loud thunder is only a rumble from a distance.

Shirley looked around the office, trying to find a source to all of this but found...nothing. Her hands began to lower, away from her ears. The soft patter of rain from outside rushes to her ears but it's not so loud this time. She's relieved. She wants to scream. 

"Hey, Shirley, hey," Kevin is back to stroking her hair like before, "Are you alright? I-I heard you scream...what happened?"

"The..." she tried to explain, her voice a whisper "The light went out."

Kevin looked over his shoulder for only a moment then back, "Okay. Okay, come on. Look, see, I got a flashlight?" He held up a hand and there it was, just like he said.

Shirley's legs are jello as he helped her stand. It's only the arm around her that keeps her from falling back to her knees. She keeps her eyes on the flashlight and places her hands over his hand that holds it. She looked up at him, eyes still wide and lost. She sniffled and coughed, the burn in her chest not gone but the rising taste of bile in her throat went away.

"But the paper-"

"We'll fix it in the morning, okay? Come on, Shirl." Kevin guided her out of the office, "Let's go to bed. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. We're okay."

"We'll fix it." She repeated softly.

As they reach the steps, she looked back towards her office. The lamp on her desk remained bright for a moment before it flickered quickly, like it was flashing traffic light. Then it was back to its' previous brightness, shiny as ever. She looked away as they began to head up the stairs and she began to count the steps.

"One..." she whispered, "Two..."


End file.
